Friday, October 26, 2007

Bitch Please!

There is a woman that rides the same bus I take to and from work everyday, that drives me nuts. If you knew me in person, you would know that I usually have high tolerance for breathing life around me, especially human beings, but she just hits me on THAT nerve.

As much as possible, and whenever I can, I always try to circulate towards the back of the bus, where it is always more spacious, and where there is a better chance at finding seats. Many of you do the same I presume. And when the bus is fully crowded, you just find a decent spot in which you stand and hang on to something, and wait for the bus to halt so you can try to proceed towards the back.

She, on the other hand, needs to find a seat no matter what. No matter how crowded the bus is, she straddles, shoves, and crams, trying to find her way towards the back, sniffing for an empty seat, while uttering her uber annoying trademark: excusez, excusez (excuse me, in French), which when she pronounces it, comes out as sssscussez, sssscussez.
AAAAH, she just kills me!

I even had an altercation with her once: the bus was so full on that day, that it seemed that it was going to spit passengers out on every corner. I hardly had one inch to move, and unmistakably, in she comes – ssscussez, ssscussez – forcing her way in, and pushing people out of her way, and you could tell that passengers were annoyed. When she got to my spot, I refused to move. In fact I held on as tight as I could in order not to let her through…
She looks at me… ssscussez…

- There is nowhere I can go ma’am, and there is nowhere you could go. Look at the bus! Stay here and we’ll move on the next station.
- Ssscusssez…
- Ma’am, there is nowhere to go. I am not moving, if you want to move to the back, you have to climb on me.

And I promise you, climb on me she did!!! Ssscusssez.

Today, it happened that she was at the same stop I was waiting at. She was late, and I saw her running from afar as the bus came to a stop in front of me. I swear to you she tried to come in before me despite the fact that I was waiting there long before her. I walked in to the middle of the cart, and she made her way in ssscussez towards me. There was nowhere to sit. She pushed me out of her way, and went towards the back only to find that there was no seating. You could read disappointment in her eyes as she exhaled. Her eyes met mine… she remembered me… I gave her the look.
Then suddenly, and as if to prove that there is a God, the seat right in front of me emptied, I looked at her, she was ready to move in. I calmly looked at her, rotated 180 degrees, looked at her again, smiled, and sat. I opened my book, crossed my legs, gave her another look, and let out the biggest exhale ever registered on this planet.

She looked at me furiously, and ssscusssez ssscusssez, she left the bus.

O Sweet and Divine Vengeance!!!!

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23 Comments:

At 12:14 AM, Blogger laila said...

:D
love it!

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger poshlemon said...

_Z.,

lol funny. Yes, many of these people exist and trust me I know cause I use the bus around 4 to 5 times a day and I have experience with all sorts of nuisances.

Way to go! She must have been burning on the inside;)

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger _z. said...

laila_
:DD

posh_
I hope she is... I think she was...

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger rouba said...

haha, there is a god sometimes!
ssscusez; i can just picture her saying that, i'm still laughing at the image u painted of this rude quebequoise! loved the post too

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger _z. said...

rouba, she's not a quebecer. I think from the maghreb or something like that.

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger shoesthatfit said...

you know what, i may be on the other side of this planet but every morning, i too encounter this bitch ... it's an invasion!

ps ... your blog is funny too : )

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger inmotion said...

she scuze'd herself off the bus i hope .. haha

 
At 11:16 PM, Blogger _z. said...

shoesthatfit_
they are everywhere. there is no escape!

inmotion_
yes she did. and it wasn't her stop either. I am so sure, because normally she gets off at another station.

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Ha ha, excellent story, _z. And a great title to the post, too. Perfect. Brought a smile to my face!

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger _z. said...

glad I did mate !

 
At 6:10 AM, Blogger Red said...

Don't you just love those serendipitous moments when the universe seems to be smiling upon you?!

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger _z. said...

oh I loved every bit of the event red... as bad and malicious as it seems.

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger Liliane said...

hahahahhaa ! dude this is good! khay, btestehal hiye!

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger _z. said...

KHARJA!

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Zee said...

This was exactly the story I needed to read today!
Well put _Z!

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger _z. said...

:) glad I could be of service, mr.zee

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Mar said...

just smack the bitch

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger MMMMMMMMM said...

man am loving your posts more and more :D

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger _z. said...

mar_
where are you?

mmmmmmmmm_
where have you been :P

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger MMMMMMMMM said...

swamped with work *sniff sniff*

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger _z. said...

may the force be with you then.

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger AM said...

Bitch!!!

 
At 9:38 AM, Blogger _z. said...

:)

 

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