Tuesday, January 16, 2007

[Delayed] Time-bomb.

I came back from Lebanon yesterday.

I was expecting to be in a crappy shape and a depressed state of mind.
I am sad, but relatively ok.
Maybe it is because my sister is here with me now.

Or maybe it is because I know I am going to see her again in 5 months.
And if all goes well, she is going to be sharing my every hour, 6 months from now.

I was fine... but I watched Zozo a while ago.
I heard my mother’s voice calling me. Waking me up after she had done all she could to lock out every noise and every ray of light; so that I can sleep more.
And I saw my father's smile, and I could have sworn I heard him laugh.

I felt her body press against mine; I felt her lips on my neck.
I saw her play the violin.

I heard her breathe.
Like a fucking time-bomb, nostalgia exploded in my face!
I miss home; and I want to go back.



At 1:57 AM, Blogger gitanes legeres said...

welcome back...we missed u here, the coalition of the Lebanese Bloggers in North America.
courage _z.. nostalgia, ca passe, c'est toi qui me l'a dit.. l'essentiel c'est ce qu'on a dans le coeur, la distance est totalement relative..

At 2:12 AM, Blogger Nado said...

under score letter z. LEK WELCOME BACK ya man.

7elow film zozo ;) enta shu bidla3ouk zozo aw abou el zouz?
aw ma bidal3ouk belmara? :P

khalas wlo sene el jeye bterja3 lashu el na2 :@:@

At 2:21 AM, Blogger rouba said...

glad to c u're back despite all obstacles and background noise :)

At 7:42 AM, Blogger laila said...

it will pass. give it a few days.

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Krys said...

_z. c'est le cours normal des choses, on est tous passe par la, tt rentrera dans l'ordre t'inquiete pas.
I've seen zozo too few days after I came back to paris and I dunno if you felt the same but it bothered me!!

At 11:48 AM, Blogger jooj said...

I too am back and I feel the same way. It actually hurts. Even physically.
I know this pattern. I know it very well.
I usually indulge myself in nostalgia and depression for a few weeks.
Live it while it lasts.

And welcome back

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Lirun said...

hello my friend..

thanks for stopping by - its nice to have you back..

i understand exactly how you feel..

i have slightly tuned out of some of the lebanese blogs lately.. not because of a lack of interest just that often they go above my head..

how did you find it.. did it wreak of devestation.. are being rebuilding..

would love to hear your impressions..

At 4:17 PM, Anonymous joe said...

Aboul Ziz, welcome back homes :P. 7jar Montreal shta2etlak. See you soon.

At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Sensei said...

i just had a weekend of depressing
[Nostalgia]...It's just an illusion of moments we lived.
Now abou el ziz focus on HERE and NOW.
peace for tonight...

At 9:55 PM, Anonymous pouzy said...

_z, experiences we live makes us see who we really are, and what i see is a sensitive person looking backword towards happiness,hold on , happiness will come this way

At 11:48 PM, Blogger Coco said...

_Z, welcome back.

Ya zalameh, ana ahleh hawn bi kanada, wel jem3a yalli ma be7lam enneh bel zouk ma3 as7abeh wel jiran w thekrayet ma3 ahleh w khayyeh bi baytna, wlanno marra, bi koun fi shi ghalat (3elman enno bi 29 mars bi siro 20 seneh hejra). For all what it's worth, hiyyeh el nostalgia benzinetna bel gherbeh, w yemkin la yalli ahlo b3ed 3anno aktar men yalli ahlo 7addo kamen. It's a friendly bomb, ma tkhaf menna w ma tkhalliya tdaperssak. Bel 3aks, embrace it and cherish it, let it energize you and make you a better Lebanese person :) I've done the anger for months, the crying for weeks, the depression in all its shapes and forms, and then I turned it to my side and I'm a much happier person and have never been more proud of who I am and where I come from. Jarrbo (à la "Jarrbi" tab3it "Abou Fou2ad" bi e3len YES) <-- bi sharafak mesh 7elweh el nostalgia? :)
Welcome back. I hope to read more good news and happy thoughts about your stay in Lebanon, with your family, and all the memories in future postings.

You too Jooj and Krys :)

Gitanes Légères nahit el comment tab3oula bi jemleh bteswa te2la "l'essentiel c'est ce qu'on a dans le coeur, la distance est totalement relative".

At 1:12 AM, Blogger Mirvat said...

i know :) it'll go away..

At 5:06 AM, Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Welcome back, _z.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger _z. said...

gitanes, I like that coalition of the Lebanese Bloggers in North America. it sounds cool. I had my fair share of Giranes Legeres when I was in Beirut.

nado merci merci, no ana ma bidall3oue zozo. You would laugh if I told you all the nicknames I got. But yeah I get zouzi, from my sister and my cousine. Abou el zouz sometimes.
The latest one is zouzou; Mirvat calls me zouzou.

thank you rouba and laila. laila... I was sad to read that libanomio is closing!

At 10:21 AM, Blogger _z. said...

krys_ zozo hurt me too. it was very disturbing.

you too jooj, welcome back mate.

lirun, lebanon is the same: war, tension, destruction during the day, drinking, smoking, dancing and party all night long. and it goes on and on.

thank you joe. 7jar montreal eh... there are no 7jar. Bricks eza baddak.

sensei, i know you've been nostalgic for a while. yalla you too, here and now.

pouzy, i know... but I sometimes like to linger in the past. it is more secure. I feel safe there.

At 10:25 AM, Blogger _z. said...

coco_ don't worry, I was just venting I guess... I difused the bomb! thank you for your kind words.

mirvat_ yup it'll go away. it did.

thanks *(asterisk)_ hope you had fun in spain mate.

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Red said...

Welcome back, _z.

Hang in there, dude: the first few days after a holiday are the worst. (She says knowingly, still smelling Seville oranges all around her...)

At 10:21 AM, Blogger _z. said...

welcome to you too red_ hope you had fun, as I am sure you have.


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