Sunday, February 24, 2008

A Royal Gift [part two].

She was a girl who rarely asked for anything. She never really wanted or needed anything; when and if she did, she would never ask it of you. She would get it herself, which at times, drove him mad.

This time, not only did she know what she wanted, it seemed that she had researched it too.
She did say “Royal Python”…

He smiles, runs his fingers through her hair, and looks back at his white screen…

- What? I am serious!
- Habibi… we’re not getting a python.
- It’s pretty cool. My classmate has one and she was walking around with the python on her arm. I held it and it crawled on my arms and shoulder… it is so beautiful.
- Babe!… we’re not getting a python.

She stands, disappointed, and sits on the other blue couch that is perpendicular to his, and that she too, hates so much.
She picks up her black laptop, places it on her lap, and raises her legs up on the same coffee table, perpendicular to his… toes almost touching.

- I didn’t think you were going to say NO to this.

He did not answer.
But for the next few hours or so, all he did was research that thing...

Royal Pythons, or Ball Pythons as they are often called, are beautiful motherfuckers that don’t grow too much. They hang around in aquariums or tupperwares even, and require little maintenance. Apparently, they make excellent pets, they could hang around for years, they come in many colors and patterns, and they are bloody expensive!!! [argument 1]

They also eat mice!!! [argument 2]

- I was looking at that Python thing yesterday. They also call it Ball Python.
- I know. I researched it yesterday too.
- Hehe... so did I.
- You can leave them in tupperwares and don’t require much you know!
- They are very expensive.
- How much?
- They vary with colors. The albino is the most expensive, and goes around 2.400$

She frowns.

- The cheapest one I was able to find online was for 700$. But it’s not as beautiful.

She shows sadness…

- There was this one pet store, I passed by today that was selling it for 100$. They didn’t have it on display, but said that they could get me one. But I didn’t like the sales person there.
- Okay… 100 is good. We can look elsewhere…
- Hold on.
- What?
- Who is going to feed it?
- She smiles.
- No way! I will never, ever, kill a mouse and feed it to a python.
- We don’t have to kill it. We just give it to him.
- Well first of all, some say that you have to kill it because the mouse may pluck the python’s eyes out, or even scratch its skin. Add to that, the fact that throwing a living mouse in the aquarium with the python is the cruelest thing; in the wild, the mouse at least has a chance to escape.
- Well… okay. Let me think about it. We'll talk later...

She goes, assumes laptop position again, and starts typing.

He thinks that he won the battle. There is no way she will be able to feed the python with the due cruelty that the procedure requires. She is too sweet for that…
He can finally regain peace.

- Hey! We can get frozen mice. It says here that they are sold in packets. Pet stores carry them.

Baffled, unprepared, and taken by surprise with this counter argument, he shudders:

- The day I defrost frozen mice in my microwave, I will dance naked in -20C weather!

[end of part two]

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At 1:50 AM, Anonymous leb girl in leb said...

Friendly reminder: along with the Royal Python photos, please dont forget to post yours dancing in the snow ;P

Awaiting battle number 3...

At 7:46 AM, Blogger MMMMMMMMM said...

Ra2i3 ya _Z, ra2i3!

tough situation, but knowing the _Z who posts on urban memories, I can't picture you feeding a mice to a Python! plus what's with women and snakes! I never thought the Adam and Eve story was real.... until now :D (for all you women out there: I am just kidding)

At 9:36 AM, Blogger shoesthatfit said...

i too am waiting to see the pics of you dancing naked in snow! the woman knows what she wants and she's not going to stop till she gets it. besides, you love her too much to say no ... no?

bring on round 3, i say, BRING IT ON!

At 10:45 AM, Blogger Tony Bey said...

Man, shou iltillak ana? Sma3 min khayyak... lek malla 3al2a...

Ba3den rayyis, iza baddak tsefir, ma3 min baddak titirtko iblis~? Min la7 ya3mil defrost firan tay ta3mi?

Mtaliba 7ilwe man... mwaffa2!

At 1:24 PM, Blogger poshlemon said...

I think _Z. you will end up dancing naked in -20c weather;)

At 4:31 PM, Blogger AM said...

Haha, half way through the post, i was thinking 'i cannot believe i am reading these details about pythons' and then reaching the last line, i bursted laughing.

Tony is right, where are you gonna leave it when you travel?

So we'll see the photo soon? :P

At 7:18 PM, Blogger Krys said...

"She was a girl who rarely asked for anything".... but ya weyliiii if she asks for something it's a PYHTON!!! hhaha :D good luck _z. ure loosing the battle...can't wait for the python's pics :D

At 7:52 PM, Blogger Kouck said...

_Z gr8 story bro (i knew that she luv this kind of things) :D:D
i think ur not gonna buy it bro (but i hope u will), or else next time u'll be asked for an ANACONDA :p:p:p (so u'll have to defrost Humans :D:D)
SO enjoy ur dance Buddy (gd luck)...

At 8:24 PM, Blogger Kouck said...

PS: ur pleased to finish part 3 quickly, in order to bring the snake as soon as possible :D:D:D
much luv

At 5:15 PM, Blogger Rima said...

What about soja veggie mouses? ;))

At 12:22 PM, Blogger _z. said...

leb girl in leb_
you seem to think that the battle is lost... it is NOT!

the temptations of the dude... eve strikes back... actually I didn't know at first what title to put... I was gonna go for something along the lines of eve strikes back..

:( if it wasn't for the mice thing, I would have given in a long long time ago... but I can't bring myself to give a python a mouse to eat just like that.

At 12:36 PM, Blogger _z. said...

you will snakesit it for us.

et tu Brute!
you have no faith in me?

that's because you didn't read part I , I guess :P

At 12:39 PM, Blogger _z. said...

there will be no python pics... ufffffff

ahlaaaaaan! glad to see you here. dude I usually love those kinds of things too. I would like to have a python... it is the feeding process that gets to me...
plus when you call to a python... it doesn't come all happy and shit.

soja, tofu, veggie ... i hate this crap... and I am sure the python does too.

At 4:19 AM, Blogger Red said...

This conversation is just too crazy! You kids...!

So, have you come to an agreement yet? Are you going to share you home with a python and frozen mice?

At 12:36 PM, Blogger AM said...

Lol true, i hadn't read it by then ;)
then i did few seconds after i typed my comment.

At 11:29 PM, Blogger Kio said...



I love the way her mind operates!!

and _z.,
knowing ladies, the only way to avoid dancing naked in -20C could be getting a microwave just for them mice!

Good luck, and I must say, Im with her in this battle! Very nice pet!!

At 8:20 AM, Blogger poshlemon said...


mbala I have faith in you... that you love your wife so much you wouldn't refuse her first valentine request! ;)

At 9:30 AM, Blogger _z. said...

we're not talking about the subject right now.. it is on hold. Got her a nice little pink hippo instead.


I know they do make nice pets, and believe me it is just the feeding part that is bothering me. Otherwise I would have agreed..

true :(

At 3:48 AM, Blogger Liliane said...

You're right, the feeding thing is the part that sucks! But seriously, defrosting a mouse in a microwave? Cant the python eat it frozen? :|

Good luck! anything new happened?

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Mirvat said...

i saw one here at a pet store and they had a mouse in the thing with him. i walk in the store and was looking at the guy who tried to ignore me, then he goes i know but it has to eat! and i'm like, ok but do the other mice have to watch??!!
i just had a very similar discussion but i just wanted a dog! and he actually said NO! and i'm so used to being alone, it caught me by surprise too.. like no? what do you mean no?

Z, next time you too are in beirut (in good circumstances god willing) we should all go out.


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