Thursday, April 03, 2008

Zero Tolerance.

December 07 / Montréal, Qc. / Canon Eos Digital Rebel XTi

Alanis Morissette - One

Empty seats…
This is how I feel these days; an empty seat. A hollow shell devoid of any substance. No content.

I have been finding it extremely hard to write these days. I look at my dashboard, only to find that I have more texts “saved as draft” than “published”. I start on something, and then a few minutes through I lose interest, or deem the subject as not pertinent anymore, so I stop. I sometimes wait for the right words to come, but they never do. Words do fail you sometimes.

I haven’t been too lucky I have to say. Two weeks ago, I severely injured my ankle playing soccer; it still is in pain, and I am still limping (I used a cane for a while, and my female colleagues thought it was sexy… Is it really sexy for a young man to use a cane?). Anyway, I don’t know if one of the little bones is broken, or if it is just a strong ligament sprain, but it is still swollen. I refuse to have it looked at because with the excellent health care system we have here in Canada, I may have to wait 7 or 8 hours in the ER before having an x-ray done… So thank you I’ll skip… for now.

I also developed wrist tendonitis… how can I not! I live in front of the computer screen one hand on the keyboard and the other on the mouse. It was only a matter of time. So now my right wrist is also in bandage and it aches like hell…

I think this time winter took its toll on me. My crappy mood still persists, and I have lost all tolerance.It has become evident for everyone recently that I lost patience with stupidity, with ignorance, with pretense, with ridicule, with hypocrisy; and I am letting them all have it.

I walk and people step aside now. Like Moses and the
Red Sea.
I don't like myself when I am like that.

It's just that nice doesn't fly anymore. Bear my stings.
Vengeance is truly the worst of human manifestations.

"One" - Alanis Morissette.

I am the biggest hypocrite, I've been undeniably jealous
I have been loud and pretentious, I have been utterly threatened
I've gotten candy for my self-interest, the sexy treadmill capitalist
heaven forbid I be criticized, heaven forbid I be ignored

I have abused my power forgive me, you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
I've been out of reach and separatist, heaven forbid average (whatever average means)
I have compensated for my days, of powerlessness

I have abused my so-called power forgive me, you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one

did you just call her amazing? surely we both can't be amazing!
and give up my hard earned status, as fabulous freak of nature?

I have abused my power forgive me, you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one, always looked good on paper
sounded good in theory,

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At 8:28 AM, Blogger Red said...

Bummer about your ailments. I know how you feel about not wanting to spend hours waiting in the ER, but I would urge you to go and have your ankle looked at. An X-ray at this early-ish stage might catch something that could end up giving you gyp in the future, like a fracture that's beginning to heal by itself, but not in the right way. Or whatever. I don't want to sound alarmist or negative, but it's always good to have this stuff checked out -- especially in Canada, where I her you have an excellent health service. Use it, you who can!

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

kepp it up t_z. lo spring is coming , it always comes, pouzy

At 11:26 PM, Blogger poshlemon said...


I am so glad you're posting. You fill a gap. I was trying to post something but I then saved it as a draft. It was an admittance to how crappy my mood is. How depressed, how tired, how exhausted I am. I come here to read this post by you. It was a relief because it felt as if you were sort of speaking my mind.

At 1:34 AM, Blogger poshlemon said...


sorry I was in such a mood earlier on that my comment was extremely selfish. Firstly, salemtak. Secondly, I think it's worth the wait at the ER. I would have done so. Come on, do it just for your peace of mind.

At 6:41 AM, Blogger Lirun said...

stp go have it looked at.. the worst is for things to later become irrepairable knowing that you could have with the right medical attention..

buy a good book - hod shwaye baklawa maak wa yalla

At 5:15 PM, Blogger hakki said...

Alanis is a good remedy for moods like that. especially the unplugged album is one of the best cd´s i´ve ever heard.

cheer up - go swimming after your leg is ok again. Since my constant visits
in the swimming hall my mood´s getting better and better :)

At 5:59 AM, Blogger Lirun said...

even better - come surfing! ;)

At 2:16 PM, Blogger AM said...

8 hours?! man!! it does makes you think, what will you do in 8 hours?!

I get to go through such periods sometimes, especially if things on the health level are not all that ok, all I want is to actually go back home and not see or talk to anyone.

Inshallah you're out of it soon. As cliche as it may seem, this too will pass, give it some time.

At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Rima said...

Check it before its too late ok ?!?! You get to wait even in France 6 or 8 hours in ER and they have the best health social service in the world.So check it.You owe it to your wife! (if you need any reason for taking care of your health)

The pic you took here is beautiful.


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