Thursday, February 12, 2009

Guide To a Good Wife.

All right ladies; let’s make some enemies!

I received this from a female co-worker today. We printed the text and read it out loud to our friends. There were mixed reactions, ranging from hysterical laughter, to indignation.
Apparently this is an AUTHENTIC abstract from an “Anglo-Saxon domestic economy” schoolbook published in 1960. The text I received was in French and this is my own translation to English… So bear with me.
Read and laugh!

1. MAKE SURE THAT DINNER IS READY. Prepare things ahead of time, the night before if you have to, so that a delicious dinner awaits your husband’s return from work. It is a very good way to let him know that you thought of him, and that you care for his needs. Most men are hungry when they come back home, and the prospect of having a good meal - especially if it is their favorite plate - is an intrinsic part of a warm welcome.

2. BE READY. Take fifteen minutes to rest, so that you are relaxed when he comes in. Touch up your make-up, tie your hair with a band, and be fresh and welcoming. He spent his day in the company of stressed and overworked people, and you have to be more interesting than the people he spent his day with. His hard day needs to be softened and it is your duty to make sure that it is.

3. TIDY UP. Tour the main rooms of the house just before your husband comes in. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and quickly dust the tables.

4. DURING THE COLDEST MONTHS OF THE YEAR, you have to prepare and light a fire in the chimney so that he can relax and unwind by its warmth. Your husband will then have the feeling of being in a safe haven and that will make you happy as well. His comfort will also bring you immense personal satisfaction.

5. REDUCE NOISE TO A MINIMUM. As soon as he gets home, eliminate all sounds of washing machines, hairdryer or vacuum cleaner. Encourage the children to remain calm. Be happy to see him, welcome him with a warm smile, and show sincerity in your desire to appeal to him.

6. LISTEN TO HIM. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but his arrival home is not the right moment for you to do so. Let him speak first, and remember that the subject matter of his conversations is much more important than yours. Make sure that the evening belongs to him.

7. NEVER COMPLAIN IF HE COMES BACK LATE, or if he goes to places without you. On the contrary, just make sure that your home is a haven for peace, order and tranquility, where you husband can unwind his body and soul.

8. DO NOT WELCOME HIM WITH COMPLAINTS AND PROBLEMS. Don’t complain if he is late coming home to dinner, or if he stays out all night. This is minor compared to what he had to endure during the day. Have him comfortably seated and prepare a hot or cold drink for him. If he chooses to rest in bed, fix his pillow and propose to remove his shoes. Speak in a soft and low voice. Don’t ask what he did and where he was, and never question his judgment and integrity. Remember that he is the master of the domain and that he should always be able to do as he pleases.

9. WHEN HE’S DONE EATING, CLEAN THE TABLE AND QUICKLY DO THE DISHES. If your husband offers to lend a helping hand, kindly decline his offer so that he won’t feel obligated to do so after a long working day. He does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to tend to his favorite hobbies, and show your interest without giving the impression of stepping on his toes. On the other hand, if you have a hobby, make sure you don’t bore him talking about it. Most of the time, the interests of women are insignificant when compared to those of men.

10. AT THE END OF THE EVENING, clean and tidy the house up so that it is ready for the next morning, and try to prepare his breakfast in advance. Your husband’s breakfast is essential as he has to face the exterior world with a positive attitude. Once you are both retired in your bedroom, make sure you are ready and in bed as soon as possible.

11. ALTHOUGH YOUR HYGENE IS IMPORTANT, your tired husband will not appreciate forming a queue before using the washroom, as he would have to do at the train station. However, make sure you are at your best before going to bed without being alluring. If you have to apply facial cream, or bigoudis (hair curlers), wait until he falls asleep, as it may shock him to go to bed on such spectacle.

12. AS TO INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH YOUR HUSBAND. It is very important to always remember your marriage vows, and in particular your obligation to obey him. If he thinks that he needs to sleep immediately, then so be it. Always be guided by the desires of your husband, never try to pressure him and never try to stimulate an intimate relation yourself.

13. IF YOUR HUSBAND SUGGESTS MATING, accept with humility and always keep in mind that a man’s pleasure is much more important than that of a woman. When he reaches orgasm, a small and subtle moan from your end will encourage him, and will be very sufficient to show any kind of pleasure that you may have had.

14. IF YOUR HUSBAND SUGGESTS LESS COMMON POSITIONS (PRATIQUES), show your obedience and resignation, however you may show your discontent and your lack of enthusiasm by keeping silent. It is very probable that afterwards your husband will fall asleep; you can then fix your clothes, refresh, and apply your night cream or any beauty product you desire.

15. SET THE ALARM so that you wake up a few minutes before him. This will allow you to have his cup of tea ready in the morning when he wakes up.
----
Things changed… haven’t they?
Thank the stars that we live in the world we live in right now, and respect to those who dared to shout and die for change.

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13 Comments:

At 5:16 AM, Blogger MMMMMMMMM said...

... in some places only!

 
At 5:39 AM, Blogger Marillionlb said...

Marvelously hillarious, those British sure know how to live :)

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger poshlemon said...

LOL

I found an article in Nahar 1935 about women and their husbands and I thought it was absolutely funny - but in a not so good way lol I can't find it. It's lost between my thousands of files but as soon as I find it I'll share it.

No. 15 sums it all up indeed.

 
At 11:40 AM, Anonymous Delirious said...

....and to think this goes back to 1960 only, not the Middle Ages or something!!

Eight years before Mai 68!
Nine years before Woodstock!

...and to think, as Mx9 pointed out, some people still live like this!!

Moud7ik moubki...

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger Liliane said...

doesn't this still apply in Lebanon?

i think in those standards i would be a sucky wife yey :D

 
At 6:31 AM, Anonymous Delirious said...

So I gave the link to this post to a friend of mine last night over MSN.

Do you know what she said?

"Oh, no no, I'd never do the last one. I won't wake up before him to prepare his tea!"

I asked: "You mean you'd do the rest?!!"

She replied: "Yes, but not all the time".

I rest my case.

 
At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Delirious said...

PS: this friend is a 30-year-old so-called 'liberated' woman.

 
At 3:23 AM, Blogger _z. said...

MMMMMMMMM_
in many places rather.

Marillionlb_
of course... the colonisateurs by excellence.

posh_
why are you guys stuck on number 15... I thought it was the least problematic. lol

liliane_
I places yeah, but I am not sure if all of these apply. thankfully some are obsolete now. but on the other hand, new ones have been added I am sure...

Delirious_
"yes but not all the time" LOL!!

 
At 3:56 AM, Blogger Liliane said...

Delirious eh eh I know many women in Lebanon still think this way... so she's pro #13? What are we? 3ahed el jehiliye?

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger _z. said...

#13 is hot.. it is even hotter in french!
"....acceptez alors avec humilité tout en gardant à l'esprit que le plaisir d'un homme est plus important que celui d'une femme, lorsqu'il atteint l'orgasme, un petit gémissement de votre part l'encouragera et sera tout à fait suffisant pour indiquer toute forme de plaisir que vous ayez pu avoir."

 
At 4:59 AM, Blogger Marillionlb said...

AAaaaaaaaaaaah, to go back to the days of the British empire upon which the sun never sets ! :)

Del granted there are some women that do adhere to parts of the 15 points still, but these days I have seen men preparing breakfast before the wife wakes up....etc.(even in Britain)

 
At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well. If you think about it, I do come back tired from work.....

Fadi

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger _z. said...

lol

 

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