Saturday, May 05, 2007

My Addiction.

Fellow Bloggers,

I’ve known you for over a year now. We discussed intimate and personal things; we shared moments of happiness and times of sorrow. We’ve been through a lot, you and I.
For a while now, something has been weighing on my chest, and I think it is time for me to confide in you… I suppose I should be able to trust you enough by now, and be able to share with you yet another one of my issues.
Here it goes:

Hello everybody, my name is _z. and I am addicted to C. S. I.

Fore more than two years now, I can proudly claim that I watched CSI episodes (new and reruns) regularly and constantly, 3 to 4 times a week, and I still trip on watching it. I am telling you: I am sick!

You can say whatever you want, but the catch phrases (one-liners) thrown by Lieutenant Horatio Caine – a.k.a. H.– get to me. You can talk about his cheesiness, you can blabber about his overacting, but man the dude is cool.

“… well I guess it is time… to educate the professor.”
(Sunny sky, the slick shades go up, and yeaaaaaaaaaaa the music starts)

I was first initiated to CSI Las Vegas though. Sara is cute, Warrick is cool, Catherine is smart, Greg is meticulous, and of course Gil Grissom is all of the above.
Then came CSI Miami. Calleigh is super sexy and stunning, Ryan is the amazing apprentice, Speed was very "human", and Eric is a hunk with brains. An unbeatable team captained by Horatio Caine.
(I am just starting to get to know the CSI New York people)

I like CSI for many reasons:
- They make science look cool.
- The once nerd, can clean up good.
- Smart is sexy, and in.
- I think I can now proceed with the most complicated surgery, blindfolded.
- I keep learning things.
- They have hot girls and guys.

What is there not to like.
So besides all the brain stimuli, the science, the learning, there is action, suspense, drugs, sex, cinematography (direction: Jerry Bruckheimer), and most of the time excellent music sequences.
CSI really Rocks!

However, I think I mostly love CSI, because essentially and conceptually, all this show is about, is gathering the evidence, and analyzing it.

Analyze.

Well it seems to me… that the word “analyze”, turns me on! (a la Horatio)

Analyzing is what I do.

You say hello, I deconstruct the fuck out of it!
I am annoying like that.
I will analyze your words for hours.
Even weeks later, I can still recall conversations word for word… I even visualize them, just like those short dynamic flashes in CSI.
I sometimes dig far back to memories long gone and past. I can draw a clearer picture, understand my history, and modify my memories. I fill in the blanks. Everybody has blanks in their life’s memories. Blanks generated by age, traumas, instinctive selections, or lack of perception then.
The feeling is fantastic when you fill in those blanks.
You can reaffirm your memories, know better your past, rewrite it, and the perception of your current self, your current being, is also altered; and always to the best [I find].
I think that if the memories that are recalled are modified, and fixed to be a positive moment (i.e. a happy thought) you recharge with happiness, and move onto a state of subtle trance. If the memory that is being re-knitted turns out to be a negative moment (i.e. a bad thought), you could still reinterpret it and turn it into a calm/happy present. Now, you can blame your present on something now made concrete from the past. You make peace with it, and move on.
Sort of like self-hypnosis…

If I would retrace my history, the way I know it to be, and in retrospect… I can honestly and objectively say that I had a good, decent life… all through.

So why am I sad?

Do you think it is maybe because now, I actually know it?
I am filling in the blanks one after the other… Just like a fucking CSI.

I am a CSI, and I didn't know it!

And I guess it is time… to wake up, and be happy.
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
(CSI Miami theme plays here).

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posted by _z. @ 12:18 AM 9 comments