Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Boxing Day.

After carrying the burden for years and years, I finally decided to organize a big blowout sale.

I will be selling:
- my conscience.
- my values.
- my principles.
- my scruples.

If you are interested, please drop me a line.
You should also keep in mind that they may be very expensive as they were very dear to me, and still hold a sentimental place in my heart. It really pains me to let them go, but I have to survive and go forth. And it is a lot easier to do so without ethics.

thank you.

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Monday, February 23, 2009


I received this funny joke by email today, and I thought I'd share it with you:

An Israeli arrives at London's Heathrow airport.
As he fills out the entry form, the immigration officer asks him: "Occupation? "

The Israeli replies: "No, no, just visiting!"


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Guide To a Good Wife.

All right ladies; let’s make some enemies!

I received this from a female co-worker today. We printed the text and read it out loud to our friends. There were mixed reactions, ranging from hysterical laughter, to indignation.
Apparently this is an AUTHENTIC abstract from an “Anglo-Saxon domestic economy” schoolbook published in 1960. The text I received was in French and this is my own translation to English… So bear with me.
Read and laugh!

1. MAKE SURE THAT DINNER IS READY. Prepare things ahead of time, the night before if you have to, so that a delicious dinner awaits your husband’s return from work. It is a very good way to let him know that you thought of him, and that you care for his needs. Most men are hungry when they come back home, and the prospect of having a good meal - especially if it is their favorite plate - is an intrinsic part of a warm welcome.

2. BE READY. Take fifteen minutes to rest, so that you are relaxed when he comes in. Touch up your make-up, tie your hair with a band, and be fresh and welcoming. He spent his day in the company of stressed and overworked people, and you have to be more interesting than the people he spent his day with. His hard day needs to be softened and it is your duty to make sure that it is.

3. TIDY UP. Tour the main rooms of the house just before your husband comes in. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and quickly dust the tables.

4. DURING THE COLDEST MONTHS OF THE YEAR, you have to prepare and light a fire in the chimney so that he can relax and unwind by its warmth. Your husband will then have the feeling of being in a safe haven and that will make you happy as well. His comfort will also bring you immense personal satisfaction.

5. REDUCE NOISE TO A MINIMUM. As soon as he gets home, eliminate all sounds of washing machines, hairdryer or vacuum cleaner. Encourage the children to remain calm. Be happy to see him, welcome him with a warm smile, and show sincerity in your desire to appeal to him.

6. LISTEN TO HIM. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but his arrival home is not the right moment for you to do so. Let him speak first, and remember that the subject matter of his conversations is much more important than yours. Make sure that the evening belongs to him.

7. NEVER COMPLAIN IF HE COMES BACK LATE, or if he goes to places without you. On the contrary, just make sure that your home is a haven for peace, order and tranquility, where you husband can unwind his body and soul.

8. DO NOT WELCOME HIM WITH COMPLAINTS AND PROBLEMS. Don’t complain if he is late coming home to dinner, or if he stays out all night. This is minor compared to what he had to endure during the day. Have him comfortably seated and prepare a hot or cold drink for him. If he chooses to rest in bed, fix his pillow and propose to remove his shoes. Speak in a soft and low voice. Don’t ask what he did and where he was, and never question his judgment and integrity. Remember that he is the master of the domain and that he should always be able to do as he pleases.

9. WHEN HE’S DONE EATING, CLEAN THE TABLE AND QUICKLY DO THE DISHES. If your husband offers to lend a helping hand, kindly decline his offer so that he won’t feel obligated to do so after a long working day. He does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to tend to his favorite hobbies, and show your interest without giving the impression of stepping on his toes. On the other hand, if you have a hobby, make sure you don’t bore him talking about it. Most of the time, the interests of women are insignificant when compared to those of men.

10. AT THE END OF THE EVENING, clean and tidy the house up so that it is ready for the next morning, and try to prepare his breakfast in advance. Your husband’s breakfast is essential as he has to face the exterior world with a positive attitude. Once you are both retired in your bedroom, make sure you are ready and in bed as soon as possible.

11. ALTHOUGH YOUR HYGENE IS IMPORTANT, your tired husband will not appreciate forming a queue before using the washroom, as he would have to do at the train station. However, make sure you are at your best before going to bed without being alluring. If you have to apply facial cream, or bigoudis (hair curlers), wait until he falls asleep, as it may shock him to go to bed on such spectacle.

12. AS TO INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH YOUR HUSBAND. It is very important to always remember your marriage vows, and in particular your obligation to obey him. If he thinks that he needs to sleep immediately, then so be it. Always be guided by the desires of your husband, never try to pressure him and never try to stimulate an intimate relation yourself.

13. IF YOUR HUSBAND SUGGESTS MATING, accept with humility and always keep in mind that a man’s pleasure is much more important than that of a woman. When he reaches orgasm, a small and subtle moan from your end will encourage him, and will be very sufficient to show any kind of pleasure that you may have had.

14. IF YOUR HUSBAND SUGGESTS LESS COMMON POSITIONS (PRATIQUES), show your obedience and resignation, however you may show your discontent and your lack of enthusiasm by keeping silent. It is very probable that afterwards your husband will fall asleep; you can then fix your clothes, refresh, and apply your night cream or any beauty product you desire.

15. SET THE ALARM so that you wake up a few minutes before him. This will allow you to have his cup of tea ready in the morning when he wakes up.
Things changed… haven’t they?
Thank the stars that we live in the world we live in right now, and respect to those who dared to shout and die for change.

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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Got Worms?

I was browsing the net last night when I landed on a very interesting article (to me at least), written by Professor Ahmad Houry PhD, and Dany Doughan.

The article was meticulously detailing the ways by which you can deal with the infestation of Thaumetopoea pityocampa, better known as Pine Processionary moth caterpillars, or what we like to call: doud jommar.

This lucky find brought back many of my childhood memories as usual – and I immediately jumped into avid reading mode. As kids running in the forest, we knew everything we needed to know about those worms; there were rules. And we made sure to stick to the rules if we didn’t want to deal with the nasty rashes. We had heard horrible stories.

rule number one
Don’t touch them!

rule number two:
Don’t touch them!

We knew that they weren’t necessarily going to harm us, but it was just better to stay out of their way. We knew that if we saw a line formation, we should not try to kill them. We should just avoid them, jump over, and keep walking. If we saw a white foamy nest up on a tree, we should just pick another one to climb and another shade to play under.

They were just hairy that way.

When they came too close to the houses (or when we came close to their habitat), men would gather with torches made out of branches, and just burn them right there.

The authors here were very scientific and informative all through the eight pages of the article. The started out by identifying the problem and its gravity; they dismissed all common and popular beliefs, and later moved to presenting and explaining the lifecycle of these little monsters. When this was out of the way, they then proceeded by explaining the proper ways which one can use to get rid of the worms, and their nests.

(they were also wise enough to note that the aim of this campaign was not to kill annihilate the worms, but only to decrease and limit their numbers).

method one
… use a biological pesticide called Bacillus thuringiensis… (and that with the specific dosage, and at a certain time of the year…etc – and they explain in detail how this should be done, what will happen to the worms, and when to follow up and spray again – very scientific and extensive details )

method two
… if nests prevail during winter time, you have to cut the branches using big cutters tied to the end of a tall stick to avoid being close to the nest… and all that has to be done in February. Again they present very precise information on how to do that.

method three
… as for the nests that are perched high up on the tree and are unreachable, use a hunting rifle and “shred the nests to pieces”… again this has to be done in February.

I'm sorry... What?

Why didn’t you say so? I could have stopped reading 7 pages ago if you had just told me that I could shoot the shit out of them! .

Why the extensive scientific report if in the end, I am going to get barbaric and shoot at the nest with a rifle? Why imply constant care and caution, when at the end there will be mayhem?

Stay right here… I am getting my gun.

This is by no means meant as critique of the very important and much needed work published by the authors…
I really did enjoy the read… I just find that the ending is hilarious.
read full article in PDF format here
(the article is in arabic)

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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Space Persians.

February 3, 2009 at 2:49 PM EST

“TEHRAN — Iran has successfully sent its first domestically made satellite into orbit, the country's president announced Tuesday, claiming a significant step in an ambitious space program that has worried many international observers.” – globeandmail.com

Now that the Iranians launched their first satellite carrying rocket - omid, hope - into space, do you think wars will follow, and start moving upwards?
Do you think the time for space wars with zoom zoom lasers and all, is nearing?

Or will they all play fair.

Where is Bond when you need him?

But you know what? I am happy for them… why not.
No really why not!
Kudos to you Iran.

… You just be nice about it now; because honestly you scare me a little.

Don’t prove them right.

Why did you have to align like that in front of the camera, and repeat allahou akbar all that much, while holding an old ass telephone… that was some funny shit man!

Watch video here. (youtube)

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