A Window to the Past.
Unvisited Leftovers / June 06 / Montréal, Qc / Canon Eos Digital Rebel XTi
Are you able to, like me, dig through your past anytime you like to?
Anytime you have a moment, you go looking for a past moment from your lifeline, and project it into your present; into that moment you were having.
Or had actually, since you are constantly living in your past.
It’s a bitch isn’t it?
I always thought that it was a blessing… no it isn’t.
Believe me, looks are deceiving.
I was deceived. I deceived myself. Don’t worry, I am so good with that. I am used to lie to myself. I am used to trick myself into believing, that everything I do, is what is supposed to happen.
No… no. Believe me it is tiring. Living the past over and over and over. You tell yourself, that the past isn’t so bad, since you’re still enjoying it in the present. But that’s part of your delusion... part of the hypnosis. The cycle is viscous, and memories can sting.
Without prior notice, and just when you thought that the image memory summoned is pleasant, safe, and smile-drawing, a virus parasite thought interrupts your process recollection, and your lovely window to the past turns into a film noir.
Thrilling and interesting to go through for sure, but that wasn’t the ride you paid for.
You got fooled again. You got fooled by your own creation, and by your own being.
Here’s to memories… We live for them, from them, and through them.
Here’s to two years of urban_memories [the unfinished polaroids].
It’s been a thrill.
Labels: delirium, memories, ramblings
Spring Mood Swings.
Snow is starting to melt away leaving a big black mess behind. Dirt, garbage, gravel, and brown grass are dominating the streetscapes. The city is getting ready for its big Spring clean up, and Homo Urbanis is getting impatient waiting for hot sun and open terraces. Slowly but surely, Metropolis is coming to life again; already moods are shifting.We had a big scare last week with a snowstorm in April, and we may get another white coat this week, but spring is definitely stepping in. You can smell excitement in the air. I am going to start taking my camera out again. For the past few weeks I opted to leave out my faithful daily companion, as I was not in the mood for capturing moments. My eyes were not capable of seeing anything beautiful. I relied on the mobile phone camera when brief appetite appeared, but never felt like holding my camera… I should give it a name by the way… I have been waiting to post this for a long time now, but if you remember this, then you’ll probably be expecting me to post the sequel and final results. Yes! Again… She won!
.Busy Schedule_the end / Dec. 07 / Mtl, Qc / Canon Eos Digital Rebel XTi
Labels: about her, everyday life, ramblings
Zero Tolerance.
December 07 / Montréal, Qc. / Canon Eos Digital Rebel XTi
Alanis Morissette - One
Empty seats…
This is how I feel these days; an empty seat. A hollow shell devoid of any substance. No content.
I have been finding it extremely hard to write these days. I look at my dashboard, only to find that I have more texts “saved as draft” than “published”. I start on something, and then a few minutes through I lose interest, or deem the subject as not pertinent anymore, so I stop. I sometimes wait for the right words to come, but they never do. Words do fail you sometimes.
I haven’t been too lucky I have to say. Two weeks ago, I severely injured my ankle playing soccer; it still is in pain, and I am still limping (I used a cane for a while, and my female colleagues thought it was sexy… Is it really sexy for a young man to use a cane?). Anyway, I don’t know if one of the little bones is broken, or if it is just a strong ligament sprain, but it is still swollen. I refuse to have it looked at because with the excellent health care system we have here in Canada, I may have to wait 7 or 8 hours in the ER before having an x-ray done… So thank you I’ll skip… for now.
I also developed wrist tendonitis… how can I not! I live in front of the computer screen one hand on the keyboard and the other on the mouse. It was only a matter of time. So now my right wrist is also in bandage and it aches like hell…
I think this time winter took its toll on me. My crappy mood still persists, and I have lost all tolerance.It has become evident for everyone recently that I lost patience with stupidity, with ignorance, with pretense, with ridicule, with hypocrisy; and I am letting them all have it.
I walk and people step aside now. Like Moses and the Red Sea.
I don't like myself when I am like that.
It's just that nice doesn't fly anymore. Bear my stings.
Vengeance is truly the worst of human manifestations.
----
"One" - Alanis Morissette.
I am the biggest hypocrite, I've been undeniably jealous
I have been loud and pretentious, I have been utterly threatened
I've gotten candy for my self-interest, the sexy treadmill capitalist
heaven forbid I be criticized, heaven forbid I be ignored
I have abused my power forgive me, you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
I've been out of reach and separatist, heaven forbid average (whatever average means)
I have compensated for my days, of powerlessness
I have abused my so-called power forgive me, you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
did you just call her amazing? surely we both can't be amazing!
and give up my hard earned status, as fabulous freak of nature?
I have abused my power forgive me, you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one, always looked good on paper
sounded good in theory,
Labels: everyday life, ramblings
Unvisited Leftovers / June 06 / Montréal, Qc / Canon Eos Digital Rebel XTi
